PreShippuden Crack
by Sailor GaOn Donut
Summary: What I think happened before Naruto shippuden, in a funny way of course...
1. Chapter 1

Title: Pre-Shippuden Crack

Act 1: Shame!

Chapter1: Beware of the cutter of clothes!

Crossovers: none

Disclaimer: This silly funny fan fiction is not endorsed by Viz Media, Masashi Kishimoto/SHUEISHA Inc. or Cartoon Network and is intended for the amusement of myself, other fans and well… please don't sue me, any of you big companies and people! I have no money to pay all of you!

Quote of the day:

Cutting clothes is funny when we are not victims of it.

Anonymous

She wore a black coat, a black shirt and a pair of black shorts. She had fair skin, wore red nail polish on her fingernails and toenails. She wore blue ninja sandals. Her hitai-ate was a brilliant neon green. She had some bandages wrapped around her hands.

She wore a pair of black spectacles. She was from the sand village and was a travelling genin who was with her teammates and her Jounin instructor. She was on a mission and was slightly nuts, in a bad and good way. She held a kunai and was about to cut his jacket when Jiraiya came.

Naruto was aghast. What was wrong with the girl? "What the crap are you doing! Damn you bitch! Go away! Leave me alone! You cut my clothes!" Naruto yelled and pushed a black haired girl with blue eyes and two tiny ponytails on her head away. "But your clothes are wonderful! I must cut them! Besides I like your shirt! So I cut it!" she yelled at him.

Naruto yelled in disgust, "but I will be nude! Have you no sense of decency?" Mika smirked. "Who cares, I will cut your clothes!"

SNIP! SNIP! SNIP!

She used her kunai rapidly.

Naruto was horrified. He jumped back yelling. "Crap...YOU CUT MY JUMPSUIT INTO PIECES! ERO-sennin... uh help! JIRAIYA!Help! Get rid of this mad girl!" Jiraiya was looking at a sexy woman when he heard Naruto yell. He looked at Mika and frowned. She looked sane. "This girl is pretty, you sure she is mad?"

Naruto nodded. "Yeah, she is! She cuts people's clothes!" Naruto still has his pants on... and the black top... but they had holes in them. It was embarrassing and crazy. Naruto was vexed. Why did this girl have to start this strangeness? SNIP! Jiraiya stared at the girl in horror. She had cut a hole in his clothes! Darn and they were new too! Naruto was also shocked. People around them were also shocked.

"We better get out of here, that girl is nuts!" A random villager yelled.

Naruto agreed with that. But before he could do anymore, she also cut his hitai-ate into tiny pieces and the bit of cloth holding the metal fell with a heavy clunk to the floor. She grinned as she cut the tiny pieces of cloth into even more... tinier pieces.

"This is fun!" she yelled. "Let me cut more! I need more!HEE, HEE!"

This was fun... well; it wasn't for two males...

It wasn't funny... It was not.

This pissed Naruto off. It made Jiraiya mad.

Well, no more! She would not be allowed to cut their clothes anymore! Jiraiya summoned a large orange toad which used its tongue to hurl Mika into a pond nearby. Splash! Naruto smiled as the girl spluttered to the surface. "Darn it! Now I have to find a tailor and some clothes for you Naruto!"Jiraiya yelled. Naruto nodded in dismay as he held the main remainder of his hitai-ate. His whole outfit was ruined and his hitai-ate was also cut...

Naruto then spoke."I also need to ask a tailor to make my hitai-ate too! That girl cut nearly everything!"

Jiraiya nodded as they both disappeared from that area in a swirl of leaves.

Author's notes:

Note: This is what I think happened to his old pre Shippuden clothes. XD

Note: Mika is some filler OC crap weirdo girl I made

Note: This used to be in fan fiction dot net, but I changed certain bits. But the hilarity should still be there.

Japanese words:

Nothing…


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Pre-Shippuden Crack

Act 1: Shame!

Chapter 2: More Cutting Madness!

Crossovers: none

Disclaimer: This silly funny fan fiction is not endorsed by Viz Media, Masashi Kishimoto/SHUEISHA Inc. or Cartoon Network and is intended for the amusement of myself, other fans and well… please don't sue me, any of you big companies and people! I have no money to pay all of you!

Quote of the day:

Insanity is in the eye of the beholder.

Anonymous

A month later... in Sunagakure, Naruto was talking to Temari and Kankuro. Gaara simply stood and looked at Naruto calmly, looking like he was lost in thought. Jiraiya was off peeping at women... somewhere else. "It's true, Kankuro!That is what really happened! I am telling you that girl had a hitai-ate proclaiming that she was from Suna! She did cut my old outfit to shreds! She cut the top and bottom! Then... she even cut the cloth of my hitai-ate! She even cut some of ero-sennin's clothes!"Naruto yelled angrily at Kankuro who looked incredulous. Temari looked disbelieving as well.

"What do you mean? You weren't lying right? Was it true that some crazy and cute little girl really come along and sliced all your clothes off? Even your sensei, an ero-sennin, had that happen to him? Man, I've heard some good stories for guys that got caught, but this takes the cake!"" Kankuro spoke incredulously, looking at Naruto. " I swear Kankuro, that's what happened! She even got a little of Ero-sennin's clothing! It is no joke! "Naruto said.

"I don't believe it. What you said must be a joke."Temari spoke and looked at Naruto. Then, she continued," Naruto, I thought you'd be trying to go after girls your own age at least...

"It is no joke and...You...You will stay out of this, Temari!" Naruto yelled. He was feeling infuriated with her words. Temari waved her right hand in the air and laughed. She ignored him and carried on. "You say that's the truth? It sounds far-fetched, but... it sounds to me like somebody's been hanging out with the old pervert too much."

"Shut up Temari! This has nothing to do with you!"Naruto fumed. Kankuro laughed. Why did they not believe him? "By the way, she did cut my clothes!" Naruto yelled at Temari.

Gaara was calm. But inwardly, he was thinking: Is it true? One of the sand-ninjas here is a mad cutter of clothes?

It seemed very far-fetched... yet... could it be possible?

Later, they all had some food at a restaurant. Then, they walked down the streets, looking at the shops. Then, she appeared. The clothes cutter...

Naruto's eyes widened. He pointed at her. "That's her! She's the one who cut my clothes!" Temari and Kankuro looked at where he pointed. Gaara did so too, only more subtly.

Mika heard him and she smiled. She then looked at him. She waved and laughed hysterically. "Yeah, that's me! I am here! I am Mika Kino, genin of the sand and the cutter of clothes!"

Naruto blinked. Then, he paled. Temari and Kankuro's eyes widened. Gaara had no reaction, but in his mind, he was thinking: Good god, she really exists? How insane!

Even the biju, Shukaku, that was sealed in him felt appalled.

Ignoring Gaara, Temari and Kankuro, Mika happily glanced at Naruto. She jumped up and down excitedly as she viewed Naruto with a look one would equate to with one thing. She was staring at Naruto like a lion views a zebra. She had a crazy predatory look in her eyes. Then, she started to rant with joy.

"Ooh! You got new clothes! I will cut them too, just like I did to your old attire! I will have many pieces of cloth! Whee! Yes! Yes! Yes! Oh yeah, I WILL HAVE YOUR CLOTHES!" she approached Naruto and grinned. Next, she spun and giggled with childish glee. She spoke with so much insanity, excitement and enthusiasm that it scared Temari.

Naruto gulped. Mika... she was definitely not sane. Yes, definitely. He slowly backed away from the shrieking girl. "Is she absolutely insane? She really cuts clothes? What the hell?" Temari spoke and looked horrified. Kankuro blinked. A sweat drop ran down the back of his head. So, Naruto was not joking. It was true. The girl did exist! The cutter of clothes... she was here... Gaara was silent, but inwardly he was disbelieving and shocked.

"She is insane! She does cut clothes! Now...Get away from her otherwise she will do the same to you too!" Naruto yelled as he ran from the crazed Mika. There was no way he was allowing her to cut his clothes again! He did not want to feel so mortified, no... Not like the last time!

"Naruto please stop running away from me! Please! I just want your clothes!" Mika yelled. Naruto looked back at her and stuck out his tongue childishly. "No I won't, you insane girl! The last time you did that, you made me feel so humiliated! There is no damn way I am allowing that to happen again!"

Temari and Kankuro could only stare.

Gaara looked calm but in reality, Mika's antics had shocked and appalled him greatly.

Unknown to anyone, a huge sweat drop had formed on the back of his head.

How in the world did that girl become a genin?

He wondered...

Perhaps she cut off the clothes from her jonin sensei?

Without warning, Gaara suffered his first massive nosebleed.

Author's notes:

Note: This is what I think happened before Shippuden.

Note: Mika Kino is some filler OC crap weirdo girl I made. (Yeah, she has a surname!)

Note: any suggestions? Send them in! This chapter is inspired by a suggestion by: FrictionX42

Note: It is OOC of Gaara to have a nosebleed, I know, but it makes the whole chapter more hilarious! Hehehe!

Note: Be amused!Laugh! Thank you and enjoy!

Japanese words:

For first chapter:

Hitai-ate= the

For this chapter:

Biju= tailed beast

Sunagakure ... _Sunagakure no Sato_; literally meaning "Village Hidden in the Sand" It is the hidden village for land of wind.

Suna= sand

_Ero-sennin_; _English TV_ "Pervy Sage" or Perverted Hermit

Jōnin= "High Ninja", Meaning (_Viz_) "Elite Ninja")

sensei= teacher.


End file.
